11. The Dreams That Wait for Us

For years, I barely sang—not on a stage, not professionally, and eventually, not even to myself. 

Music had once been at the center of my life. I began voice lessons as a child, earned a degree in vocal performance, and spent years singing professionally in San Diego. But as I built my life around marriage, motherhood, and survival, I slowly moved myself outside the center of my own dream. By the time I stopped singing completely, even trying to sing along with a Disney movie would make me cry.

After leaving my marriage, I hoped freedom would restore everything I had lost. Instead, I discovered that changing the environment only creates the conditions for restoration. The body may need time to believe the door will remain open before desire feels safe enough to return.

In this episode, I share the story of losing and gradually rediscovering my voice. I explore why creativity often disappears during prolonged survival, why we cannot force ourselves to reconnect before the capacity exists, and what it means when appetite begins returning on its own.

This is an episode about music, but it is also about every dream, desire, and part of yourself that went dormant while you were trying to stay alive.

You are allowed to want again—even before you know what the wanting will become.

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Visit my Substack for links to some of the performances I mentioned and photos from the journey.

Visit www.monetnoctaris.com to explore how to work together.